I went to a comedy club. I went there instead of going to a cooking club for church. I thought, “Hey, this will be a blast!”, and plus it was with some friends that, although they are of a different lifestyle than my church friends, are dear to me and very fun.
At the end of the night, I felt
As the comedy started, and the room started filling up with booze and smoke, I felt ok. “I am open-minded, and I love my friends. It will be fine.” And then the comedy started. As comedians came on, it seemed they attacked anyone that was vanilla. Anyone that doesn’t drink, smoke, have sex with anyone and everyone, and especially anyone that believes in God, was attacked. Not just made fun of. Singled out and attacked.
That was still ok. It was part of comedy. Making fun of things that they don’t believe in. I can understand it. I don’t have the same views, but I understand it.
What did happen as the night wore on, though, was this energy in the room shifted. As the room became filled with manic laughter and guffaws and catcalls and swearing and smoke, the energy turned… dirty. I felt dirty. I didn’t belong there.
I found it odd that I could feel so out-of-place. Not because I ended up being the designated driver only because I made them give up the keys (They had no problem drinking while they were plowed!). Not because I don’t like to have fun. I do. I enjoy new things and am open-minded to do anything once. But I just realized that this doesn’t work in my life. I wanted it to be ok, and it wasn’t. And that ticked me off.
I am a big fan of enjoying everyone. I feel it is not about what you look like outside, or habits that you do. It is about who you are inside, and respect and love and kindness is everywhere. So why was I so uncomfortable?
This didn’t go with my view at all, until I realized it wasn’t about the people at all. It was about me. Me choosing to create my space is not bad. Nor is it small-minded. It is simply a choice. And I shouldn’t be ashamed of that at all. People decorate their homes, their bedrooms, their beds, and their bodies however they want. I just realized I didn’t want my space to look like this. No biggie.
So now I am on a journey to find what my space looks and feels like. I have a feeling it will look more like cooking club, and warmth, and clean air. I am a big fan of clean air. And clean language. I am working on that myself. I guess I need to clean myself up if I want my space to be clean as well.
Oh, and I find things funny. Funny things can include what I’m about as well, without making fun of them. Good news.