I didn’t realize how much I had simply gone….Gray. How I had frozen and forgotten to feel anything. Something sad set it off, but I pushed it away as not having time to feel about it and so it sat there, doing nothing but doing something, nonetheless. I didn’t have time to feel about it and so it let me go about my day or night, and when I woke up, I hurt deep down inside. My dreams were sad, sad, sad. My body ached about it, and my smile went away. I woke up and I was sad, but didn’t know how to let it go. I didn’t know how to let that go because it had nestled into my emotions, making a place along the hub-bub of my schedules and car rides and budget making. And then it spread its tendrils just a little at a time, unbeknownst to me. And it waited.It could afford to wait because I was too busy to see that my smile was going away, and I was getting short-tempered. “If I can just get this budget right, then I can take a break.” But I didn’t take a break, and something else talked louder than the heartache. The tendrils spread a bit more and I forgot to love on my kids, and then I forgot to use kind words, and then… and then I just was mad. (Mad is only covering up sad, you know. Mad is a flavor put hastily on to cover the hurt that is bubbling up.)
Until this morning. I felt gray and I kind of liked not feeling anything at all that was real. Until this morning.
A strange thing happened. It was called music. The music was called “The Piano Guys”. (Really, that’s their name.) They played something beautiful, with a Cello and a Piano, and with heart. It sounded good and deep and it called to me. Music washed over me this morning, and little did I know that it would do battle with the sad something. They played a soothing, moving song. It let me remember that I could feel, and it melted and thawed the something that was holding me back.
The grayness started to melt, and it showed up as tears.
I sat there, in my bed, with kids coming back and forth, and schedules going on, and I cried. Hard. No holding back, with the music doing battle in the background. Kids and husband asked me why and what was wrong, and what did they do to set off mom, and I didn’t care enough to pull out of my battle with the gray. Not yet. I waved the loved ones off just long enough for the tears to wash away the sad something that had held on to my emotional self and I found me again. I found my smile, and my animation, and the part that had been held hostage. The music did that for me. The tears did that for me. The notes washed the gray away.
I remembered what it felt like to love on my kids, and to get dressed in warm clothes, and to communicate kindly. With a smile. I remembered me.
Music is that strong. It is that kind, and good, and powerful, and needed. For me, it is my shield against the gray. It keeps my emotions flowing, and even if that means I cry a bit more, I am grateful. Thank you, Piano Guys. I am loved because you love what you do, and you are talented at it. You do battle with The Gray.
- New to me – The Piano Guys (notdancingaboutarchitecture.wordpress.com)
- Michael Meets Mozart – The Piano Guys (ssimplyme.com)
- Bourne Vivaldi (Bourne Soundtrack/Vivaldi Double Cello Concerto) – ThePianoGuys (murphyslawless.wordpress.com)
- Coldplay: Paradise (Peponi) African Style (Piano/Cello) (ritholtz.com)
- Bourne/Vivaldi by The Piano Guys (daneverest.com)
- Healing power of music: Billy Joel’s song inspires 6-year-old pianist, Ethan W. (examiner.com)