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There once was a man from Nantucket…….

09 Jun

I could end that little ditty so many ways. But i’ll just say things didn’t go well for him and he said CRAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! He threw up his hands, and kicked the dirt a bit, and cursed his misfortune.

I hear stories like that. I see life like that, sometimes, you know when i’m driving down the street, changing a dvd, etc…. I have even been that guy a few times. Now to be clear, this isn’t about when there is a little boo boo that gets brought to light. I’m talking about the rug being pulled out from under me. On a tall set of stairs. With stilettos on. And an audience. The bouncing and rolling and sliding in a downhill spiral that ends with an expletive and a groan. And uncertain clapping from the jerk in the way back.

Just so we are clear.

When life gives me lemons, i make lemonade…… who comes up with this positive crap? 🙂 It is something for Person A to say to make themselves feel better about the chaos that Person B is going through, you know? How bout this? When life gives you lemons……. Throw them around a bit, hitting a wall or two and listen for that thumping sound as seeds go everywhere. After that, try to hit a do-gooder that calls happily about the mess you are in. Then, and ONLY then, in the remorse that you feel about nailing the do-gooder in the forehead, giving them a lemon-size shiner, notice that usually life will also give you someone, a Person C, that makes you lemonade from the mess you find yourself in.

They don’t give you a pep talk. They just easily wipe up or sweep up the rinds, the pulp from the walls and under the sneakers, and take what is left to whip up a lemonade smoothie. No fanfare, no need for thanks or awe. Just pulling you up from where you have you head between your knees, trying not to hyperventilate.

Why is this? How does it happen that, after we have run out of all ideas on what to do next, someone else can look at the situation and say, “HMMMM, that does suck. Here’s a lemonade frappachino, and i noticed that this is working for me.” No drama. No judgement. Just a different perspective. And as quick as that, or as simple as that, there is a way out. A way through.

The key? It is a DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. There is a reason we can think outside the box for others, but not ourselves. IT is because we don’t bring just ideas to the situation. We color them with our fears, assumptions, reasonings, and judgements about the ideas. This is what makes them OURS.

It is also what makes them not always work. No matter how smart, intelligent, strong, patient, loving, amazing, talented, or adoreable we are, they don’t always play into how to do life. No matter what we want to happen, the reality sometimes just doesn’t go along with our personality, and our shoulds.

Enter, The Outside Perspective. This is something that doesn’t have to sift through our personality to make things work. No need to know our history, or drama. Just the facts, ma’am. Sound cold? heartless? Nope. i’m going to say EFFECTIVE. If we listen, that is. If we can get our ego out of the way……. And it’s not easy, i’m the first to admit. I would just love it if all my ideas worked. In fact, i just assume they do, deep down. So when i’m struck by the reality that my idea isn’t working, then my ego kicks in and says, “well if I can’t solve it, how could anyone else???? I know the situation the best, therefore, i MUST know best…..”

Yeah, it’s a load of CRAP.

Sometimes we just need someone who doesn’t buy into our drama. And i’m not saying our drama is not real, sad, harsh, or tangled. Just that it is OUR drama, and not that other persons, so they can think clearheadedly about it.

Here’s the point: Just because one person can think clearly about another person’s dilemma and note a possiblity that wasn’t looked at before, this doesn’t mean that the clear headed person hasn’t or isn’t at the same time going through their drama. It’s not that bad things happen to bad people, or unlucky people. Bad things happen. Period. But i don’t see many ditty’s about what to do AFTER the drama unfolds. Because not a lot of people get past the “DUN DUN DUNNNNN NNNNN NNNN” to see the “What’s next?” in their own life. We, as people, are the ones throwing the lemons, sitting down trying not to hyperventilate, or digging a hole in the sand to place our head. It’s usually others that notice that our bald head is getting sunburned while we sit there immobilized, or that a fire ant is ready to bite us on the butt if we don’t switch positions.

And that’s good news.

Trusting ourselves is huge. It is important as all get out when we are living life. But when the rug is pulled out from under us, it is also important to know the difference between the weiner that is spouting happy songs to you as he walks past, and the person that has a different perspective, letting you out of the chaos that has been created around you. How to do that? Listen to both people. Your heart and good sense will tell you which one to take aim at, and which to use as a sounding board.

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Posted by on June 9, 2009 in Life

 

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